--- 2010 ---

"And so this is Christmas, and what have we done? Another year over, a new just begun" just a simple line from one of my favorite Christmas songs sung by Celine Dion.

Year 2010 gave me a lot of career rise and down fall at the same time. Realizations and uncountable blessings, it made me more stronger and became more open with lot's of changes that's happening with my environment.

Let's start...

January...

Start of my year was great, I was chosen as training apprentice for my PHH account and was getting ready to handle my training class for one of the PTC Queues. Am not sure if there's something special ever happened for this month... Hmmmnn, there's one; Giann a very good friend of mine won Mr. HAU and I've been being introduce to some well known personality here in Pampanga.

February...

Got a year older, being more witty and experienced. One of the most unforgettable was when I got my trainees pass their training though some of them fail, I'm still happy cause I produce a competent team who is very open when it comes to changes. Another one was when I pass out in the Mansion while partying with my SGroup family, I lost one of the most valuable and sentimental property I ever had my entire life. I lost my cellphone which happens to be my very first consolation working with Sutherland 3 days before my birthday. Well, not to mention that my birthday was the saddest one since I was left by my family. But, I survived and learned the rule when it comes to partying and drinking.

March...

Became one of the SME's for my account. Had handled my own team which happens to be my trainees also, tested my patience of doing what the supervisors though for my understanding is that my position has a different approach. Nothing special for the month though.

April, May and June...

Summer full of fun, shocking truth and unacceptable circumstances. Within these months, I got the chance to be with old friends and family. I also got the chance to strut my staff inside the fashion world. Handle bikini pageants once again which I often does for the past years since I came back from being an event organizer in Manila. Unexpected problem occurred with some projects am working on with and yet everything came out just fine.

I lost one of my best friends due to an accident and can't accept the truth and see him for the last time. Got the pass to watch Philippines Fashion week after a long while not getting the chance to watch it. Being able to have a reunion with my theatrical family, have fun with them and enjoy their company.

July...

One of the saddest and unforgettable month of the year. Not able to sign my new position as SME and was transferred to another account, it broke my heart and yet we can't do anything. Growing up in the industry with only one motto "business needs" is quite difficult and yet you need to go with the flow.

Unforgettable, simply because I found that special person that I've been longing for such a long time. July 17th, a very special day. After 7 years of searching and moving forward from my last, I finally found him, not to mention that everything is very sudden, no formal dates and I don't even knew him that much and yet I felt that he can be that one special person that I could take good care of.

August...

Tragic, health issues and downfalls. First week after being totally depressed and frustrated with the new environment that I'll be working with, I got sick. My Pharynx and tonsils were swollen and I need to take a rest for almost a week due to high fever and as per my doctors advise. Feeling better, I went to work though not totally well yet I know I can handle myself so I pushed through.

On the 13th, bad news came from my father's family. My Aunt had one of her brain nerve snapped causing her to be comatose. However, due to busy schedule I wasn't able to visit her when she was rushed to the hospital and was transferred to my other Aunt's place since they don't have the money to have her admitted to ICU. She died Tuesday, and I went to her funeral the next day after my shift. All eyes on me, hearing words that pierced my heart, and was judge that I need to be sorry for what happened to my Aunt. It didn't affect me cause I know that I have never neglected my Aunt emotionally and physically. The only thing that I feel sorry for is that I did not get the chance to help her financially when I already knew that she was sick due to the negative feedbacks that I hear about where her money goes. I missed her so much, the person who was there when I stand on my own already left me, she did not even gave me the chance to thank her for everything and yet I know that she's already happy where ever she is right now. --- Merry Christmas Aunt Marte ---

After my Aunt's Burial, got sick once again, having my kidney swollen at this point. I really don't feel very well, being totally shocked and yet I can't do anything about it. The only thing that I've got to do was to have my continues medication that cost me a lot. A month full of trials and yet ended up having everything fixed up and better.

September...

September 17, 2010... One of the biggest event that ever happened in my corporate life. I won first runner with Sutherland's Carnival Queen, I was only hoping to bag one award and yet I got more than what I was expecting. It felt like a true beauty queen, everyone was looking at you, sending praises and knowing you a lot more. Winning this corporate, fun filled and employee engagement pageant gave me and opened a lot of opportunities to know more people and be more closer with my new account and also within the outside community.

October and November...

Nothing new, what else to expect when everything that happens daily is just the same from the past few days. 17th of the month will still be my special day with my special someone. Got the chance to meet new people and be their friends.

Had the chance to work with the top fashion designers of Angeles City as Choreographer/Director and Make Up Artist. Tiring and yet satisfying, what is life if you won't make the most of it?

December...

Final countdown before Christmas and New Year. Waited to received my 13th month and spend some for myself and for my love ones. Felt sad cause I didn't have SL conversion and yet very happy to have a moment with my special one and also with my Family. Best gift that I ever received this Christmas is when one person whom you don't expect the most reached out and greeted you 2 hours before Christmas day.

New Year is fast approaching, do I need to have resolutions again? or just have to live my life fully once a day? I already made a lot of mistakes my whole life and this coming year will be my chance to right what I've done wrong and try to fix everything that can be fixed. To start moving forward and embrace my responsibility with my parents as their child. To help my siblings grow up and have a life of their own. to be more wise in every decision that I'll be facing. To be strong in facing life's trials and difficulties, that no matter what happens I'll be understanding and have belief that HE won't be giving me this challenges and trials if HE knows that I can't handle it myself.

Becoming me is difficult and yet I know that I grew up very well. Prim and proper, sophisticated, fashionable and strong wilde all at one. I'm just hoping that as I get older this coming 2011, I'll gain more wisdom and knowledge. A lot of growth opportunities when it comes to my career with Sutherland. Travel opportunities inside and outside of the country. Learning opportunities that was been stucked for a long time.

Farewell 2010, you helped me grow a lot.

Starting a new, I am now closing this chapter of my life and will just look back to reflect on what I've done negatively, leave it and learn from it. Maintain and improve what I've done positively.

2011 is the start of a new...

- gApS -

was it LOVE or STUPIDITY...

In your life I'm alone again, I'm back to being your number one.

Till when I'm not sure...

Time heals all wounds as they all say and you're still young.

Can you keep your promise that you'll wait for her

Last night after the chaos in your life, after all the harsh decisions you've done

I saw you in tears for the second time, not because of me but because of her...

I may not know what's the real reason behind, all I know is that you're both young,

Our old ones may not tell how much they care, but they were trying.

If ever they have said inappropriate words for our special ones, that may hurt but making harsh decisions won't solve anything, bigger problems will then occur that can hurt you both the most.

You've told me everything and it pained me seeing how you were torned apart.

I should be happy coz you'll have time for me again and yet I can't.

I was touched when you told me that your girl really liked me and yet I still cover my defense with hypocrisy of not liking her at all.

She being thankful for my kindness tickled my heart and knew how stupid I was not wanting her to be a friend.

I'm simply scared for what I will feel if the three of us got along just fine, I'm still the under dog coz am the one who was to be kept secret to everyone, unlike her whom you can hold hands in public and with whom you can utter the words that I've been longing to hear.

9 months you promised that you'll be waiting for her, and should I then feel happy and contented since I'll have you for 9 months and mine alone.
Will there be only me or after a month or two you'll be healed and will move forward to find anew.
It's been difficult to see you in tears coz I want to hold you tight, hug you and cuddle you up and feel all the pain that you have in your heart.

I feel bad for what had happened instead of being happy coz I'm the only one that you have.
What I've been hoping for and yet my heart knew and feels that I can only occupy a small part in your heart.
Whatever happens am just here for you until such time that I'll have to leave and find myself to start a new.
Was it because of love that I'm accepting everything or stupidity that I'm like playing a game?

A love to share...

September 19-23, 2010



19th September, my boy's brother's thanksgiving party at their place. I was invited just the other night while am at work. I can't say no since he's already a good friend of mine and just told him that if his brother's gf will be there then I might not make it so he needs to give me a signal or whatever.



Around 10 pm when I went to their house bringing Choco Oatmeal Fudge which happens to be their favorite among my baked products. (they haven't tasted my banana cake and choco cookies yet and my cousin's chocolate cake...). I saw my boy outside with his girl, does it matter? well, it didn't affect me coz I'm already composed to being a total bitch that particular night. What I really intended to do was to intimidate her which I successfully did, I'm a well spoken person and very outgoing anyway. I wish I could look straight to my boy that night and yet I can't I can sense uneasiness on my part, I'm totally uncomfortable with the situation am at the moment and yet I can't just walk away and leave.



I was introduce to everyone except for one, and I don't need to mention who, and that's when I felt more welcome. I had a drink with my boy's brother's friends and it was cool coz they are all outspoken and very open and fun. Didn't get the chance to mingle with my boy coz his girl was there and I don't want to get near her. I didn't stay that long since some friends were there waiting for me, and even though I brought money with me, I didn't gave out any for them to buy more alcohol. What was on my mind that night was; "it's not my night anyway... and why would I spend if she will be staying drinking my part".



20th September, monday, first day of the week. Waking up with a smile painted on my face, I realized that everything that had happened between us was not that much of a challenge. He might have his girl, but that doesn't mean that he care less for me. My whole day was a blast not to include that it's already my off the next day, time to rest again. I rec'd a text message from him around 4pm asking where am at. I replied that I am at work, he then replied that he had a problem, told me to inform him when my shift already ended. As soon as I ended my shift I texted him and asked him if we'll be meeting but then I haven't rec'd anything. I waited until such time that I already fell asleep, tried calling him but his phone was already out of reach.

21st September, I went out with some friends to watch UP dance competition. I asked one of his closest friend where he was and just told me that if I wish to see him we need to go together coz nobody knew where was he staying. Told him that I can't go coz I'm judging a competition, asked him to tell my boy to just text me and see after the event. Around 12 midnight when I got the chance to see him, I can sense his uneasiness and the urge to not stay that long out side. I barely knew the reason why.

22nd of September, I brought him clothes and bought some personal stuff. I can't resist not helping him out though his brother already informed me that they have been looking for him and his GF since they were both missing for 3 days already. I lied and kept things my own even though I knew all his where abouts, I did not give out information. I knew right there and then that she was staying with him and yet it did not stop me from supporting him. It kinda hurt and yet I can't do anything about it, he badly needs me, they badly needs my support.

23rd of September, did not hear any from him. I understood his situation and just let him have his time for his own.

Carnival Queen 2010 - Sutherland Clark

" Well, since this is an employee engagement program activity win or lose as long as I've enjoyed the competition then I'm happy... "



" Can you please enlighten us with your Motto; Fata Viam Inveniente... "



These are the few words being asked and answered by me during the most prestegious night that we had at Sutherland Clark for benefits of the homosexuals.



Bagging the title as 1st runner up is already a great honor on my part. Never did I expect to enter the top 3, all I'm hoping was to bagged at least one of the minor awards. Bagging Best in Creative Costume already made me feel satisfied and not longed to be part of the top 3 coz I know that my co candidates are more deserving than I do. But then again, I competed with confidence and enjoynment. Our motto was just one word; "Enjoy" coz no matter what happens, win or lose, as long as everyone was happy and the people of Sutherland participated, then that's the biggest achievement that we have all deserve.

Carnival Queen 2010 is part of the employee engagement program that we have at Sutherland Clark. We have at least one event per month to relieve the stress and work pressure that we deal during ordinary days. It's fun to see everyone enjoying, giving full support, each account participated and give out applauds and encouragement to their candidates. In my part there were 2 of us who's representing our account and who ever wins doesn't matter. Thanks to the creative minds of HR Events Coordinator Bobet Menesis and ever powerful host of each event Paul Montinola, they created such event to showcase not only the beauty but also the wit of the homosexuals. With this event the company only shows that there was no discrimination regarding sexuality, that everyone is acceptable in the society.

Heart...

Why in just a simple sorry I can forgive you and be happy once again?
Why can't I be mad at you even though my mind tells me that I have to?
Is this because I love you?

All I asked was a little respect, there were two of us sharing your just one heart. Whom do you really love? I can't answer, but whenever I ask if you'll let me find someone else, you'll answer "never". Now I realized why you always want me to decide whenever I ask what our real status is; If you still want me in your life. You just can't let me go, admit it or not I still play a big part in your life. Am still the first one anyway, problem is... I am not a girl.

My heart belongs only to you, I fell in love with the person I barely knew.
I don't even know when it all started, but as time goes by the deeper I fall and never want us to be parted.
I tried to stop, but you always show me what I wanted to see.
You make me feel what I wanted to feel.

My heart can't stop now, not until I will say goodbye.
I come to realize that loving you will just give me pain and sorrow,
Everyday will be a challenge not knowing when you will let me go...
A wounded heart I may have, but whenever I see you smile, it heals the broken part.

Hoping, longing, wishing and dreaming
One day I'll be the only one again and others will be flings,
Just like when we were just starting...
And most of all, you uttering the words that will make me whole.

A love to share...

September 10, it's been a long while since I last wrote something here on my journal. I guess there's nothing more to write, nothing exciting happened with this love life of mine. He's been more busy with his girl, can't even find time to be with me anymore. He's still that sweet guy that I've known though, I know he still cares, but he can't spend more time with me. I only had once to twice a week in meeting him, I had to beg for his time which is not right anymore. I still can't let him go though.

For the past week I had to wait until midnight just to be disappointed since he won't be able to meet me up or he's to tired. I got the chance to sleep at their house just to he leave me and I was very sleepy to stay awake waiting for him to arrive from helping out his boss. I'm happy though, I got the chance to see him sleep. How angelic his face was, so calm and so sweet. I almost kiss him right then and there, I just need to control myself coz someone might see me and that's embarrassing since we're not alone in their house, his grandmother might see me. I was happy that whole day.

He's texting me, "yes" sweetness and care pours through his text messages and I'm happy, but not contented, he still don't have time for me, all he reply when I ask if we could meet was "I'll text you...". Once we had a talk and his girl knew that he has me, she was jealous and angry. It's a big deal for him and it hurts, now I know how it feels to be in the 2nd place, a place where you need to beg for love and for time. Am hurting and yet I can't let him go, cause I believe that God had his reasons why we met in an awkward situation and went on in a relationship without even having the chance to know each other very well. One night of fun, few weeks of happiness, and months of pain, is that it? Hopefully not.

Whenever I read novels, watch romantic movies I always cry when a person let's go of someone he/she loves for the sake of having this person be with someone they truly love. It sounds easy, but then in reality it's not. I want to let go of him, but whenever I ask him if what he wanted he always ask the same question. I want him to say something, I know that he doesn't want to hurt me but what his doing right now is more painful than what he will say in words. I know that we went on this without hesitation, he just want me to be happy I guess. To fulfill what I've been longing for a long time, and I thought that he was totally serious. It's an open complicated relationship, I don't mind him going out with girls since he's still a guy, a straight one.

Everything changes when he met this flirty girl, she's cute in a way. Too liberated for me, I'm not fond of her type. Compare to her, I'm more of prim and proper, a chameleon who can adopt easily with my environment or should I say that the right words to describe me will be "cowboy". Someone whom you can drag anywhere without hesitation, an adventurer. I don't find what interesting with her that he liked. My guy and I had a huge fight the day they made things official between them and since then everything change. I don't know if it was because of what I have done or simply because he's already happy with her and he doesn't need me in his life anymore.

These week, I did not received any message from him, and I asked him why? simple reply "I'm with my girl". Then that's it, I decided not to bother him anymore. If ever he texts me then that will be the time that I'm talking to him. I'm still hoping that everything will be back to where it used to be, and I'll just have to be patient in waiting and never doubt my feeling for him. Anyway I can always find a way to be happy, may it be for just a day or two, atleast I can pour what my hearts content is. I can't just let him go... One reason; I love him...

A love to share...

19th of August, it's been awhile since we saw each other, almost a week. Haven't got the chance to be together even during our Special Day. Some circumstances kept us apart for awhile and now it will be longer. You'll be working from afar, and I'm not sure if you could still give me that spare time of yours during your unbusy days. You'll be tired just like me, from daily work routine, from life and from everything. In my heart am still hoping, faith still kept burning. I know that even in your most busy days, at the end of the day, you'll keep your promise.



I'm missing you so much, I don't know what else to do without you. It seems that everything in my world is not complete if am not hearing anything from you. Simple thoughts that makes me smile, simple words that tickles my heart. I hope this things will last until such time that we need to be afar from each other since we'll be focusing on our own lives. I am loving you, each passing day, my heart keeps on missing you. I wish to take good care of you, be your best friend, your baby and grow old even when you already had your own family...

A love to share...

11th of August, Cease fire... that's what I thought. I was even happy the whole day, even though I already told my family that we're through. I texted you and asked for the night to be mine, I want to talk to you and patch things up between the two of us. To ask if you still want to pursue things between us, after all am already nagging you. You said, "YES", no guest coming? again "YES", comes night fall, I was all ready to talk to you, I waited until 10 PM thinking that you were just busy at school since that's what you've told me earlier in the afternoon. I texted and what you replied? "the gurl is here", I'm already on my way, so I asked you to let her leave or else I might do something to her, (even though I know I can't coz I'm not that type of person). You chose her instead of me and that hurted me so much. First time that I cried in pain, no tears falling at all. I can feel the pain coming from the inside and made me say a lot of bad things to you. I didn't leave, I waited for the time that we'll have a talk. I need to open things up, clear the scaterred mess and know what's my position in your life.

12 MN we had our heart to heart talk and it was the first time I saw you cried. I t melted my heart and told you that if you don't want to continue I'll be accepting it with all my heart, yet you asked me back. How can I say "No" to some who cried for me and told me that he's already doing everything to make me happy and understand me. I left light hearted though still feeling sorry for all the things that I have said that hurt you. I gave you the right to decide on everything, you're time will now be my time. If you're not available then I should understand, I'm just asking for a spare time anyway. In my heart I know that things will never be the same again, but still hoping that in time things will go back to where it use to be.



12th of August, total cease fire... You called me your baby again, after all what I have done. You were so light in accepting everything that's happening between the two of us. I guess that's the reason why I fall for you, we are on the same road. We accpt everything so lightly no matter what.



13th of August, bonding moments after all I still care for him. I can't hate him as much as I want to and that scares me. 40% of my heart totally belong to him right now.



17th of August, Happy Special day for both of us. But then again, circumstances arrived. My dear Aunt died, the one person whom I have gratitude with, left the world already. Haven't asked forgiveness for all the negligence that I have done. I really feel guilty and soory, though I know I shouldn't. All my fault was not helping her out financially, but I always check on her even with my own simple ways. Plans colide, my special day isn't complete since I haven't met that special person who's celebrating it with me.

"Promises aren't made to be broken, but there are certain circumstances that we have to" this is my text to him, after I greeted him happy special day. I can't pursue the plan of having our tattoos since I spent most a lot when I was still sick. I also spent a lot during the weekend, going out partying since I was bored to death staying at home lying in bed during those bed ridden days. A simple thought, "thanks for taking care to me"...

A love to share..

9th of August, I asked you to come at my place coz I asked Apu to cook spaghetti which I bought coming from my very first PAG IBIG loan. Something to share for our monthsary in advance. You said Yes and I was so happy since I do really want to see after not seeing each other last Sunday night since I'm not available due to my sickness. You promised to come no matter what and asked me if it's okay to be late and I said yes coz I really wish to see you. I thought you were alone, but you were with friends, so I cannot do what I want; hugging and kissing you. That's fine with me, their my friends to anyway. I was there, present, beside you and yet you were talking about this Girl that you were texting, I let it pass coz am already used to it, it's part of the guy thingy I know. Then you all said goodbye coz you all need to go home. I even texted you that you are so flirt, happy coz I got to see you, not even imagining that I will also be disappointed and will get hurt. I called to check if you were home already, just to check if you're home safely and yet what you've answered hurt me the most, you answered me in a way that as if you really want to hurt me. Couldn't sleep coz my heart has something inside that wants to keep me awake that even though my body wants to rest, still it won't stop.

Midnight of 10th of August, I cannot stop myself from trying a call and I can't stop my heart from beating fast, I already made up my mind to break up with you. I know that it will hurt, but then am already used to it, I grew up with it. You're phone ringed, and I texted you telling you that I want a break up. As I woke up, things were all clear to me, you only think of yourself, of what your needs are and did not even care if my feelings will get hurt of what you've done. You did not respect my emotion, you only cared about yours.

It was almost lunch time when you said sorry for what you've that, and I'm already okay. I accepted the fact that we're through, I asked and you just asked me the same question. Right now, am not sure if I could still have trust and belief in whatever promises that you will say. You'll have to earn it, I gave you everything, I even fall for you, 40% that is. You almost had me, but then I realized, we're both just looking for convenience and so I gave you another chance. You still tickle my heart and you still make me happy that's all that matters for now. But am not sure how long this things will last.

A love to share..

7th of August, just when I thought that we had our first fight, you just slept on it without even telling me how you truly feel. I thought that you don't want to see me after what I've told you and yet you even asked me if I am sure. Just when I thought that you'll feel cold, and yet you didn't. You made me happy and contented, I just need to handle things the right way. I do feel jealous simply because I'm competing with a real woman, but I am trying my best not to because in the first place I just asked for an ample time to be with you, which you always provide. I should be thankful for having you as my boy, cause not only that you accepted me as I am, but also you give me time to be with you. Tonight, even though am not feeling good, I will sleep well and be happy that I've got the chance to be with you even in a short time.

A love to share..

I know that we are on the same side when we decided to give it a try. We hardly know each other well but still we tried. One night of being intoxicated and drunk, a night of unforgetable experience. I didn't know why the next day I asked you if you can be mine, with no hesitation you just answered my question. And now am confused if I'll have things pushed through when deep inside my heart am afraid, but I'm learning to love and care for you...

It was on the dawn, 16th of July when we accidentally had our first unofficial kiss, you're naughty and yet so sweet that made me not forget. That very same day, as we texted each other during the night, I asked you if we could give it a try since I want you to be my boy, you said "yes" and without any further discussion we made things official with reservations of course.

17th of July, I asked you out and watch movie, you picked me up around 6:30, "Sorcerer's Apprentice" that's what we watched, then after we strolled at the park and just chat with each other, getting to know each other deeper. That was a very special night of being officially committed with each other.

19th of July was when you asked to see me, I was in deep of my sleep that time. The very first time that you went to our house and had our deal that after 10 meet ups you'll allow me to introduce you to my 2nd family. This day made me see how vulnerable you are and how precious and dear you are to me, you almost cried telling me what was the problem all about, it was a total down fall on your part. I hugged and comforted you, give out my best support in making you feel better and promised to help you out no matter what. As you left with hope, you kissed me for the second time around, now it's official.

21st of July, your big day. Time to face your problem and take proper solution in solving your problem. I'm happy that I was at your side and giving out full support, it's been funny to see such tough guy handled such painful situation even though you almost cried. Still, you stood up and move forward without entertaining the pain. And at night, you introduced me with your friends, and I somehow liked them and had fun with them.

Then, there's a long wait... I've missed you so much that I tried to find ways within my busy schedule to see you.

31st of July, we went out with your friends and my work mates, got the chance to bond with you more. You left me saying that you're sorry but it's okay because that you're not feeling well that particular day, you already had too much of a drink to handle. I went home alone and yet am happy and contented though in my heart am hoping that the next that we'll be going out, we will sleep together, cuddling each other.

2nd of August, I gave you my very first gift. You promised to take good care of it and will make sure that I can see it whenever we are together. That same night, just when I thought that you will not be keeping your promise of coming into our house, so I fell asleep and you were kinda disappointed because you were thinking that I didn't trust your words. Then again, even in front of your friend, I can't stop myself from hugging you, if only I could find a way for us to live together...

3rd of August, we had the chance to eat together. A simple yet sumptuous date as I can describe it. I'm happy that you listened to all my sentiments, to all my secrets and for giving me the chance of knowing much better with each passing day. Saying the words to me is difficult but I know deep in my heart that you care for me more that I care for you, I trust you... thanks for everything... I know that we're both on the same side, you can't say you love me, same as I can't utter those words to you... but deep in side I'm learning to love you...

4th of August, the first time you texted me, calling me your "baby", it tickled my heart. Nobody called me that way except me calling my guy friends as endearment, let me call you "wawa" instead, exclusively yours and will not be used to call other guys that sorrounds me. A tight hug that night made me feel happy and contented, it made me feel what's been missing in my life for a long time.

5th of August, tonight you made me gain full trust in believing all what you're promising. You made me fall for you another step again. I feel loved even though I know that I won't be hearing the word "I love you" being uttered by your lips. You made my sleep so peaceful with your hug and kiss.

6th of August, I'm not sure what will happen tonight. I'm totally not feeling well and I don't have the chance to communicate with you since our phone was locked in PG... You're elder brother's phone that you should be using was being used by him since I helped him be endorse at my job. I missed you already, but I can do anything for us to be together tonight, I'm only waiting for you to contact me. I envy those girls that is still part of your life and gives out something to satisfy you, if only... Right now am not sure if I should not feel this way, I allowed you to be free, all am asking is for you to have time with me in which you always do have... The night is still long and my eyes can't stop looking at my CP checking if there's a message coming from you... I guess tonight, I'll sleep without hearing anything from you, but as you have told me before... This will make our relationship stronger and better...

Who, What and Where?

It's been a long time since I had my last entry on this blog. Been too busy with my job since I've been transferred to another account and been trying ot cope up with the new process that I'm with right now.

Who...

Who makes my life miserable right now? my relatives in my Father's side. I don't know what's their problem why they always try to put me down and why they always say bad things about me. Is it my fault if I am that good when it comes to handling myself very well? being blessed with a job that gives me all the credits of earning big and being able to spend at my own will? I became strong because of them, they are the inspiration behind why I dreamt big and had high hope of achieving my goals in life.

Who makes me happy? someone special who welcomed me with all his heart. May it be because of love or friendship doesn't matter. After being single for such a long time I found my special one, someone whom I could share all my sentiments and who values my worth and accepts me for who I am and not for what I can give. We may not know each other well when we started but each passing day makes it worthed.

What...

What are my plans in life? First on my list will still be having my diploma with any course that I will be studying, it doesn't matter to me now. Taking up courses that you love won't give you a job anyway, it'll still be up to you. Companies do hire people taking more consideration with skills and ability. Degree is not an essence, I for instance is an HRM under graduate and yet I only used my degree for few years and did not grow up. With my line of job right now, degree is off the essence, what's more important is that you're earning big while enjoying yourself.

2nd in line will be to grow with the company am with right now. I want to take chances in making a move up the ladder for success. I want to gain more experience with all the fields that I know I can manage and have the guts and talents to work it out. Being trainer is one, it's fun and challenging. Can be a Team Leader also since I already had experiences handling people, coach them and taught them how to be more efficient with their jod is such an achievement on my part.

3rd to leave the country before the age of 30, I still have 6 years to work things out. I have plans of going back to the US or might try my luck at Singapore. Whatever comes first doesn't matter as long as I can pursue my dreams and achieve my goal.

Where...

Where am at right now? Hmmnnn... I am at the peak of my career as a call center senior agent. I'm still happy where am at and I can't even believe that I stayed long with this type of Industry. Sometimes it all comes to my mind that I wanted to quit, but then I always realize that it's quite difficult to start over again. Three years is such an establishment, I am already known. My name became known, maybe not that popular but as someone who at first impression was a Bitch and when you'll get to know more can be a good friend.

Within the society, I'm already having a name since I had an elite circle of friends who are known for their creativity and artistic side, I'm becoming part of them. Who would have known that a simple person like me who don't even have a fashion sense at all can be inclined with fashion. I'm pushing myself through and hoping that one day I can be as popular and well known as they are. Having a name within the world of Fashion and Showbiz Industry.

Who, What and Where... 3 W's of my current life, it's already a fact. A chameleon who can easily cope up with certain and unavoidable changes in life. I always hold on to my principle and motto in life... "Fata Viam Inveniente and one road, one chance".

Fashionably Inclined Biatch...

For the past few months of being part of my new group of barkada, so called "S Group", I became more and more fashionably inclined each passing day, I must say that once in awhile I follow Korean trend which more comfortable and yet fashionable.

S Group did a lot of stuff for me, helped me a lot when it comes to knowing more people in the social world. I should say that I am still a nobody, someone who doesn't have a name within the Metro. Being in the limelight is quite tiring and frustrating at times so why not keep it cool and just be in low profile.

Summer has been very memorable to me, got to know few people around. Found someone whom I could take good care of. Became part of one of the best team, barkada and family ever. Got the chance to be more inclined with the fashion world. Got the opportunity to be with some stars once again after starstruck days when I was not part of BPO.

I know that I still had lots of working to do, more challenges to face and goals to achieve in order for me to reach what I wanted to reach in this world. I'm not even sure if I would like to be part of the chaotic and challenging world of socialites and fashion. Maybe, in time, if I have decided to go further than just being a call center agent/talent handler/stylist.

Right now, am just happy that I'm being involve within the social world. Being able to go out partying with the well known persona's within the Metro, getting to know them and be with them. Having this chances is something worthed on my part since they are becoming my mentors. I learn from them even in just small ways.

When the right time comes this social caterpillar will evolve into a larvae and when its ready, it will spread its beautiful wings and fly to become the best Fashionably Inclined Biatch everyone will know around the globe. So, let's start...

Chaos...

Xbox being pulled out just recently then comes Mc Afee being totally transferred having hundreds of employees being redeployed.

Obama's new bill having outsourcing companies going back to US since most Americans lost their jobs and he wants them to be stable once again. Recession is still at its peak, I guess.

People around were uneasy, unable to think what's going to happen next. Unable to think positively since everything around happens so fast.

What's going to happen next? Most of the Asian countries rely with outsourcing. If major companies from the US will pull out, are we still stable enough to stand and believe that we're all going to make it through? or we have to sacrifice ourselves again by working abroad as OFW's?

Is my job right now still stable? Will I be with the same account until next year before I decide to go back to school? Will my work stats help me be retained where am at right now? or I will also be one of those guys who will be finding another job to support themselves?

Chaos... this is something that needs to be think of twice, thrice and many times.

Happy Birthday and Farewell my friend...

It's been more than a year since we've been together. I missed those days when we go out together, party together and drink together.

We've been in the same house for almost 6 months before I had a new family who adopted and loved me. Long time before we got the chance to meet again, the very recent one was February of last year, during one of our friends school competition. I was hoping that you'll be the one to make me beautiful when I represent my account for Carnival Queen at Sutherland and yet you left too soon. I felt so sad and yet I can't do anything. I longed to see you and yet I didn't get the chance to see you for the last time since my heart can't accept the truth that you're already gone.

I know that you're happy where you at right now. Happy Birthday Kuya Mon and Farewell...

Which is which?

After a long time of not writing anything here, undecided what topic to discuss. I've been busy for quite sometime since February. Already been into a lot of trials on what topics to post.

I had the saddest birthday ever... I lost the most valuable piece of my life... I had the most unforgettable embarrassing moments of my entire life after sleeping on my vomit during our theatre directors birthday few years back and now being a total ground zero at one of the hottest spot in the Metro...

Still don't have my special someone... In search for love... Been hooked with Facebook and Asia novelas once again my most recent one was You're so Beautiful and Yamato Nadeshiko Sechi Hengi...

Got the chance to train new hire for our account, and been promoted as one of the SME's/Senior Agent... Faced all the challenges and trials almost everyday, testing my patience and mind focus.

What else? am not yet sure...

This is me...

" all I want to find is someone who could accept me..."

" My name is Gaps, I may not be discreet but I know how to present my self very well, I am prim and proper, I have the right attitude towards everything... Some says that I'm a chameleon who can always adopt certain changes with my environment"

I love hanging out with friends, traveling, party and photography. I love capturing the beauty of everything that surrounds me. I love meeting people and making friends with them. Intimidating at times, coz people always have an impression that I'm a snob, but hell am not. I maybe talkative but I also know how to listen. I'm a career person, I focus more on my growth and for the growth of those whom I care a lot.

I pity those who pretend to be some one whom they are not, being true to yourself is way much better rather than becoming a pathetic fool, if you're gay, then embrace it, accept the fact that bisexual are for those who can have sex and relationship with both male and female, if you only love guys then don't be a fool...

I may wear heels at work, have nail polished every 15th and 30th of the month, have long hair, and plucked eyebrows...

But one thing am certain, I'm willing to change if someone gives me that so called respect and love...

--can I be your right one?


I am GAY and happy to be out and proud...

Collections...

"I told you that I loved you and my heart stopped not because I was saying it for the first time but because I knew I meant it more than anything."

"And this is love: two souls that freely meet, and have no need of proving anything."

" I wanna be the girl who makes your bad days better the one that makes you say, "my life has changed since I met her"

"A part of you has grown in me, together forever we shall, never apart, maybe in distance but in the heart."

"I wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have"

"Caring for someone is easy but making someone care for you is hard. Now I kept wondering... How did you make it easy for me to care for you."

"If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just... passes you by..."

"People think that if you love somebody hard enough then everything is just gonna work out. People are wrong."

"I don't know if we each have a destiny or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both."

"You made me realize that I've always been missing something I never even knew I wanted."

"I never wanted the stars, never shot for the moon. I like them right where they are? all I wanted was you."

"Maybe some friendships aren't meant to saved. Maybe we're meant to spend certain part of our life with certain people... and then move on."

"I told him I was afraid of falling, and he whispered, "I have wings."

"Couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking."

"I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep. And when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me."

"Oh I just remembered how your hand fits the curve of my waist, and how your smile fits the curve of my mind."

"Why do we close our eyes when we kiss, when we dream, when we sleep? because the best things in the world go unseen..."

"Sometimes, it feels no one understand I don't even know why, I do the things I do CAUSE ITS A LONG LONG JOURNEY TILL I FIND MY WAT HOME TO YOU"

"I never want you to think that you are anything less than amazing."

"Never give up on the things that make you smile."

"There's a millions of people in this world, but in the end it all comes down to one."

"I can make no apologies for following my heart."

"I will put a wall around my heart and would not let anyone in. You know why? It's because my heart will wait forever just to be with you again"

"I loved you without knowing how. I loved you without knowing when. I loved you without knowing why. I love you even though knowing to you, I'm just a friend..."

"I have to many people for more than a billion times but when I first saw you, my heart took over and smiled for the first time."

Year 2010

Start of another year, another chapter has been open on this book called "LIFE". What do we expect for this year? What are the new challenges that we'll face not only to ourselves but also for the whole country?

This year will be another start for our country, 2010 election will be taking place this May and we need to decide who's going to be the best and suitable leader whom we should be voting. A leader who can make our country progress more in it's economic status. A leader who is honest, trustworthy and responsible enough to face all the problems that our country is still facing right now. I could say that Madame GMA made a big impact when it comes to our economic problem, she provided more jobs for us Filipinos. BPO's were born because of her, high school graduates and college undergraduates got the chance to work on their careers with call center jobs. She did a lot of things for our country that we should have noticed and appreciated, but then again people only see her flaws, the wrong things.

I should say that Filipino mentality is the main cause as to why our country couldn't achieve it's growth. We have our own choices on whom we want to be our leader but when we see something wrong and hear some bad rumors about them, we are the first one to react and do something that cause more trouble. Ans what I hate the most, paying peoples to join rallies which doesn't have any relevance.

Why can't we just be happy for what we have right now? Why can't we support those who leads us, react when we see that everything gone wrong and our leader couldn't even do anything anymore but just stealing our earned hard works. I can find those who lead this stuff as someone who doesn't know how to follow the laws of nature. Who wants to break the law and be the one seated on the position that isn't really meant for them. I'm not pertaining any particular here, I'm merely expressing base on what I have observed.

This year, 2010, we need to be sure who's going to be the right person to lead our country. We need someone who is a good listener, has a good eyesight and a heart that is gold, a listener to our country's cry, an eyesight to see the sadness in his country's eyes and a golden heart that can heal our country's wound that swells from all the difficulties of the past. Let's make sure that we are doing the right choice, not because of the campaign materials they use and not because of the promises they keep on saying that never happens. We need to check on their backgrounds, if they did well before they run as presidential nominee.

All I'm saying is that, let's make this new year a whole new one. A year of growth, for ourselves, for our family and relatives, for our country men and most of all for our country. Also, let us heal our country, let it not swell more and have all hard works gone to nothing.

A prosperous, productive and full of love new year to all.