11th of August, Cease fire... that's what I thought. I was even happy the whole day, even though I already told my family that we're through. I texted you and asked for the night to be mine, I want to talk to you and patch things up between the two of us. To ask if you still want to pursue things between us, after all am already nagging you. You said, "YES", no guest coming? again "YES", comes night fall, I was all ready to talk to you, I waited until 10 PM thinking that you were just busy at school since that's what you've told me earlier in the afternoon. I texted and what you replied? "the gurl is here", I'm already on my way, so I asked you to let her leave or else I might do something to her, (even though I know I can't coz I'm not that type of person). You chose her instead of me and that hurted me so much. First time that I cried in pain, no tears falling at all. I can feel the pain coming from the inside and made me say a lot of bad things to you. I didn't leave, I waited for the time that we'll have a talk. I need to open things up, clear the scaterred mess and know what's my position in your life.
12 MN we had our heart to heart talk and it was the first time I saw you cried. I t melted my heart and told you that if you don't want to continue I'll be accepting it with all my heart, yet you asked me back. How can I say "No" to some who cried for me and told me that he's already doing everything to make me happy and understand me. I left light hearted though still feeling sorry for all the things that I have said that hurt you. I gave you the right to decide on everything, you're time will now be my time. If you're not available then I should understand, I'm just asking for a spare time anyway. In my heart I know that things will never be the same again, but still hoping that in time things will go back to where it use to be.
12th of August, total cease fire... You called me your baby again, after all what I have done. You were so light in accepting everything that's happening between the two of us. I guess that's the reason why I fall for you, we are on the same road. We accpt everything so lightly no matter what.
13th of August, bonding moments after all I still care for him. I can't hate him as much as I want to and that scares me. 40% of my heart totally belong to him right now.
17th of August, Happy Special day for both of us. But then again, circumstances arrived. My dear Aunt died, the one person whom I have gratitude with, left the world already. Haven't asked forgiveness for all the negligence that I have done. I really feel guilty and soory, though I know I shouldn't. All my fault was not helping her out financially, but I always check on her even with my own simple ways. Plans colide, my special day isn't complete since I haven't met that special person who's celebrating it with me.
"Promises aren't made to be broken, but there are certain circumstances that we have to" this is my text to him, after I greeted him happy special day. I can't pursue the plan of having our tattoos since I spent most a lot when I was still sick. I also spent a lot during the weekend, going out partying since I was bored to death staying at home lying in bed during those bed ridden days. A simple thought, "thanks for taking care to me"...
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