A love to share...

September 10, it's been a long while since I last wrote something here on my journal. I guess there's nothing more to write, nothing exciting happened with this love life of mine. He's been more busy with his girl, can't even find time to be with me anymore. He's still that sweet guy that I've known though, I know he still cares, but he can't spend more time with me. I only had once to twice a week in meeting him, I had to beg for his time which is not right anymore. I still can't let him go though.

For the past week I had to wait until midnight just to be disappointed since he won't be able to meet me up or he's to tired. I got the chance to sleep at their house just to he leave me and I was very sleepy to stay awake waiting for him to arrive from helping out his boss. I'm happy though, I got the chance to see him sleep. How angelic his face was, so calm and so sweet. I almost kiss him right then and there, I just need to control myself coz someone might see me and that's embarrassing since we're not alone in their house, his grandmother might see me. I was happy that whole day.

He's texting me, "yes" sweetness and care pours through his text messages and I'm happy, but not contented, he still don't have time for me, all he reply when I ask if we could meet was "I'll text you...". Once we had a talk and his girl knew that he has me, she was jealous and angry. It's a big deal for him and it hurts, now I know how it feels to be in the 2nd place, a place where you need to beg for love and for time. Am hurting and yet I can't let him go, cause I believe that God had his reasons why we met in an awkward situation and went on in a relationship without even having the chance to know each other very well. One night of fun, few weeks of happiness, and months of pain, is that it? Hopefully not.

Whenever I read novels, watch romantic movies I always cry when a person let's go of someone he/she loves for the sake of having this person be with someone they truly love. It sounds easy, but then in reality it's not. I want to let go of him, but whenever I ask him if what he wanted he always ask the same question. I want him to say something, I know that he doesn't want to hurt me but what his doing right now is more painful than what he will say in words. I know that we went on this without hesitation, he just want me to be happy I guess. To fulfill what I've been longing for a long time, and I thought that he was totally serious. It's an open complicated relationship, I don't mind him going out with girls since he's still a guy, a straight one.

Everything changes when he met this flirty girl, she's cute in a way. Too liberated for me, I'm not fond of her type. Compare to her, I'm more of prim and proper, a chameleon who can adopt easily with my environment or should I say that the right words to describe me will be "cowboy". Someone whom you can drag anywhere without hesitation, an adventurer. I don't find what interesting with her that he liked. My guy and I had a huge fight the day they made things official between them and since then everything change. I don't know if it was because of what I have done or simply because he's already happy with her and he doesn't need me in his life anymore.

These week, I did not received any message from him, and I asked him why? simple reply "I'm with my girl". Then that's it, I decided not to bother him anymore. If ever he texts me then that will be the time that I'm talking to him. I'm still hoping that everything will be back to where it used to be, and I'll just have to be patient in waiting and never doubt my feeling for him. Anyway I can always find a way to be happy, may it be for just a day or two, atleast I can pour what my hearts content is. I can't just let him go... One reason; I love him...