Song of My Heart...

You came along, unexpectedly
I was doing fine in my little world
Oh baby please don't get me wrong
'Cause I'm not complaining
But you see, you got my mind spinning

Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At a wrong place, at a wrong time
Or was it me

Baby I dream of you every minute
You're in my dreams
You're always in it
That's the only place I know
Where you could be mine
And I'm yours but only
Till I wake up

Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At a wrong place, at a wrong time
You came along
At a wrong place, at a wrong time
Or was it me
-- This song currently reminds me of the love that I've lost, a love that I was trying to gain...

Broken Heart...

It started in the chat room, gay site to be exact, we get along pretty well. I started out admiring him and then he accepted me as me. As always, since I have a huge crush on him, I can't talk to him nor greet him whenever we meet on our work area.

Got the chance to have a bonding with him when I got sick, he was there, we get along just fine.
He is sweet and caring, he even asked me to take good care of myself and his always there beside me "umaalalay". At work, I had the chance to sit and talk beside him during our coffee break. My friends tease me a lot coz they all knew how huge my admiration for him was.

I never thought that I'll be falling for him, they say that "a way to man's heart is through his stomach", so, I tried to let him taste my delicacies, one that me and my aunt deliver at every school canteen. He was happy coz I never thought that it was his fave. So every time we bake, I'll see to it that there's something for him. I'm happy seeing him happy even though I know that he's having trouble with his job.

We keep in touch through chat, talking about what's new with our selves, with our jobs. We confide problems, I always do, coz it make me feel better opening stuffs to him. I try to cheer him up whenever he feels down due to some work matters and personal problems. I thought that eerything going out pretty well. I thought that I'll have the chance to show him how I care.
Last Sunday, I saw this note he wrote in his FB profile, I checked it out. It was a poem written for someone special, I had an instinct that it was dedicated for someone special. I commented and it, and BANG! there the person whom the poem was dedicated to was tagged.

I don't know why but it made my heart cry, I felt the pain without even knowing why. I know that he considers me as his friend and no more than that. It was my fault coz I dreamed that one day we can be together not just as friends but as someone special with each other.

The worst and saddest part that makes me cry right now while writing this blog, He officially declared that he's no longer single, he's married...

-Should I be happy coz he already found his someone special or should I be sad coz he didn't chose me instead...

We all learn... -Ryan Tuazon-

Life and relationships are funny in the way that they don’t always remain the same. Sometimes people change so much that relationships become harder to maintain. Lovers, friends and even family need to grow and evolve together or they may find themselves feeling the need to pull apart. If you don’t allow these things to happen and move with the tide a little, you’ll find yourself constantly struggling as you swim against the current. That is tiresome. You find yourself held back. When you feel you’re being stunted you become distressed, frustrated and sometimes you become a little bitter about those who are holding you back in life. Alanis Morisette said it best when she sang:



I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you’re gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend
You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

09/11/09 Fri at 21:07

It was cold, When you came, you gave life and warmth. - Christpher Ken Daine

What does your love mean to me. It's something i can't answer easily.
just like the air that i breathe, you fill me up inside, you give me all that i need.
like a bird flying high on a summers day. You're the wind that carries me away
to a place where you and i will always stay forever.

Sometimes things happen, and they do for a reason. It may be too early for me to say we'll last forever, but I know I love you till I say never.

09/13/09 (Today at 03:11)

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. - Lao Tzu

I asked a friend what love is, he told me it's when the thought of him makes you smile. When I met you, I told myself, ' this must be it'...

If you're my baby, I promise I won't hurt you. If you're mine, I promise I'd be loyal to you. But you're only my friend and I can't promise I won't fall for you...

Each time I miss you, a star falls down from the sky. So if you look up and find it dark, it is all your fault. You made me miss you too much...

There's a love that only you can give, a smile that only your lips can show, a twinkle that can only be seen in your eyes and my life that only you can complete...

An angel asked me awhile ago to give him one good reason why I love you so much. I smiled and said, " Because there;s no reason not to"...

50 years from now, I'd be so old I might forget you, I might not remember ever knowing you, or might forget I once cared for you. I might but I won't...

I will never stop loving you, even if you never start to love me. I will never stop being your friend, even if just being friends kills me... At least it's something...

I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tight for so long is because we fear that something so great won't happen twice...

I may not see you often as I like. i may not hold you all through the night, but deep inside my heart I know that this is true, no matter what I do I will always love you...

I love you so much my heart is sure. As time goes on, I love you more... Your happy smile... Your loving face... No one will ever take your place...

I have liked many but loved very few... yet, no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue, just for the pleasure of a moment with you...

I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if it's just for a second, that I've crossed your mind...

Hold my hands, I'll close my eyes. Kiss my lips, I'll start to cry. Ask me why? All I will say is you don't know how I've waited for this day...

I cannot speak, I lost my voice. i am speechless and redundant cause I love you' is not enough. I am lost for words...

How can you tell the rain not to fall when clouds exist? How can you tell the leaves not to fall when the wind exist? How can you tell me not to fall in love when you exist?...

Find yourself before you fall in love so you bring with you everything you need to weather all condition and the peaks and troughs that are the process of loving...

Dreaming of you makes my nights worthwhile, just thinking of you makes me smile. Being with you is the best thing ever and loving you is what I'll do forever...

You'll learn to like someone when you find out what makes her laugh but you can truly love someone until you find out what makes her cry...

Would you believe me if I tell you that I love you so much? Actually I'd prefer it if you won't. Why? so that I can spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I do...

When it rains, you don't see the sun, but it's there. hope we can be like that. We don't always see each other but we will always be there for each other...

When the time comes that you'll have to leave me, can you promise to tell me first? So I can take one last look at my one and only possession before it's gone...

So many of us fear tomorrow or regret yesterday. Me? I won't fear tomorrow if I'd get to be with you. And I don't regret yesterday coz one yesterday I met you...

Theory says that life on earth came from a long meteor crash long ago. I don't know about that, but I know life's a whole lot better since you crushed into mine...

Shattered Dreams...

Last December of 2008, one of my friend came to me and asked for financial help. Her father needs to be operated with his slip disk, she asked me if I want to get a bank loan. At first my plan was to use the loan for my school back fees so that comes June I could enroll and then go back to my studies. But then my friend asked if she could borrow 3/4 of the amount that I'm going to have, since she needs financial help that time badly, I did not hesitate to give the amount that she was trying to borrow. I lent it to her.

First payment for the loan, I asked if I will be the one to pay for it, she told me that she'll do it. Since she promised me that, I hold on to her word, I did not drop any single cent to my check book account. After a month, the bank called me and was advised that I need to pay the amount needed because the bank where I loaned the money, I was disappointed, but then I just asked them to cancel it and I'll just pay the said amount. I called my friend, still she insist that she'll be paying for the monthly loan payment, and same thing as before, I listened to her.

Comes February, worst thing happened, my checking account closed since I'm not depositing any since I was told be my friend that she'll take good care of it, I've got nothing to deposit that particular day coz I already spent my salary. I've decided that no matter what she promise it keeps on being broken, so I just made things clear to myself that I already own the responsilbility of paying the debts that was not even on my plan after all. I see to it that, I'll be saving enough money to pay its monthly charge.

Since I wasn't able to pay on exact month, I had two months delay and right now I've been 4 months delayed due to extra curricular activities that I had at work that has financial involvement. Last month, I took my SSS loan just to have the amount to pay my delayed charges and so that it won't have penalty charges, however, it was already to late, I received a notice letter from the bank stating that I was already penalized and it was 24% of the amount that I have to pay. My heart sunk but I can't think of anything but the just to face this problems.

My dream of going to school this school years 2nd semester shattered into pieces, coz even my "paluwagan" this coming November will go to the bank to pay off the loan. I've been excited and really prepared to go back to school, I even started planning my time management since I won't be resigning with my current job right now coz I love it so much that I can't even try to leave and seek for bigger opportunity. Anyway, bigger opportunity for me is like leaving the country and work abroad. Becoming one of the best Fashion Designer of the country and also the world if ever. Having my own modelling agency which will handle international models and supermodels.

Right now, I just keep my faith that in time I'll have everything solved and paid. All the hard works for this year is the biggest challenge I ever faced for the past years of my life, next to being left by my family when I was still in highschool. I cried of course, but after the tears, I have to smile back and face the problem. I know that no matter what happens, in time, I'll be going back to school and finish my studies, have the degree which will make my appraisal bigger when I seek for another career.

Shattered it may be, but I know that there's something more bigger waiting for me. Somewhere where they will appreciate all my hardworks, my passion and my dedication for every job and responsibilities that's entrusted in me.

"Bargain Heart"

"who wants to buy my heart? i'm having it for sale.. though it's only second hand, scratched and dented, still it functions real well.. i sold it before, they treated it rough and they returned it broken.. they never paid for what they owed.. now, i had it all repaired and i'm back in business again.. i spent the last month fixing it up.. who wants to buy my heart? satisfaction guaranteed.. it has free service charge and a lifetime warranty.. i'll cut you a deal.. if you're asking for the price, well.. you're in a bargain.. it only cost TRUE LOVE :-( "